The End is Near

This was probably a perfect summer.  We had only four days break over 90 degrees with little to no humidity.  It rained a normal amount and the weather was pretty much always beautiful.  It was wonderul.  Perhaps this was New York's reward for dealing with that awful Polar vortex.  I personally have a theory that there wasn't really ever a "Polar Vortex".  I think meteorologists didn't know what what the hell was going on, made up some crazy ass name for the freezing cold weather we were having, and then were generally shocked when people bought it. 

Anyway, I finished my second round of treatments for my undisclosed chronic illness.  I had to tell my job about it because I was just missing too much damn work.   They were understanding and seemed considerate so it really wasn't the worst thing in the world.

The friggin scariest thing happened to me this week, though. This old homeless geezer ran after me with a cane!  Ok, so yes, this may sound hysterical (and I'm sure I'll laugh about it at some point) but it was terrifying.  On my way out of my office building, he asked me to get him some food at the nearby diner.  I was on my way, felt white person guilt (even thought I'm black) and returned with a bagel. He was talking to some other girl, and I was like, "ummm here's your muffin." His response?   " I should punch you in your face!" He throws the muffin back at me, and starts yelling.  Both the girl and I walk away.  He then starts running after me cursing at me and yelling about how he should hit me, wiith his cane in the air.  Ok, let's first discuss that this asshole is running... WITHOUT USING HIS CANE.  Bastard. I scream back at him and then he walks away.  I was literally shaking when I walked back to my office.  I just feel so stupid. I never give things or interact with these types ever.  This was my first time doing anything like this.  Why on earth did I think it was ok do it now?  I just dont know.  It's so weird how these things can affect you though.  I watch when people on TV get attacked and it frightens me; but theres always a voice in the back of my head thinking "that will never happen to you." I suppoose it can happen to anyone.  But hey!  That's New York!

Right now I'm thinking "end on a positve note, end a positve note". Right now my new summer goals are to finish reading all of Shakespeare's comedies and watch every Academy Award best picture winner. I'm not sure if I'll be able to do it.  But I can try!

Nothingness

So I've been really out of commission lately.  I've just been busy doing nothing.  My chronic illness flared up and I had to cancel both my improv and film class this summer.  Disappointing, but I suppose worse things can happen.  I am really thrilled to be finally living in NYC and being on my own terms rather than living in the suburbs and living with my parents.  Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and I am very well over the age of 18, but I just had to constantly tell them where I was  going and when I'll be back; and that's just annoying as an adult.  So I'm just glad to be in my studio.  

Anyway I really need this summer to be productive.  I've had to drop everything and I'm realizing now that the summer will literally be over in just a few short weeks.  Back to the daily grind, ya know?  So right now I'm going to try and focus on completing other goals and enjoying my summer. I'd really like to take a trip, even if its a little one before the summer is over.  I should also probably try and finish my VO demo.  I've been working on it an a half assed fashion for years now and I really should complete it.  Perhaps I should also read a book or two?  All in all, maybe for once I should just stop over analyzing and relax! 

#Fail...#TryAgain

So today was improv.  I love improv.  Well I love it when the stars align, God likes me, and I am actually listening, being present, and coming up with decent ideas.  But then there are days when I'm just kind of an asshole in class.  Not listening, going out of my way to be funny (rather than letting it happen organically), and just being a general spaz.  Today was a mix of a good improv class and a bad improv class for me.  For some reason I'm acting like such a pussy in class, I don't go up first, and I don't make bold moves or choices.  Things have been not so great since I told some of my class members that I have been taking improv for awhile at a different theatre.  Since I'm now in somewhat of a beginning class right now (at a different theatre), I now feel an intense pressure to be the best or at least, good.  And I'm totally failing at it.  Whenever I'm feeling pressure my mind just goes blank.  Why can't I be a confident, relaxed, normal person like everyone else?  What the F (yes, I know I wrote pussy earlier) is wrong with me?  Hopefully I can get better as time goes on but it's going to take A LOT of practice.  Really it's my focus that's off.   Who knows, I didn't have coffee today, so maybe that's the reason why I'm a little off.  Anyway this is going to be "week - o -improv" with a lot of classes and shows, so maybe I'll be revitalized after that...or just exhausted!  Ironically, Aaliyah's, "Try Again"  is playing at The Coffee Bean right now, so maybe that's a sign!  Ok, now I'm just being lame.

Anyway, it seems the focus on my career is now underway.  I went to improv class, which is a woot woot, and I have a few more this week.  If I can focus, maybe thing will work out.

Oh, but how can I focus! There are some really great TV shows on right now!  Especially for the summer.  Right now, my new favorite is Chasing Life on ABC Family.  Why is it called ABC Family when it's really television for teenagers?  Well, I don't have an answer for that.  But most of their shows are awesome.  Anyway, this show, Chasing Life, is about this twenty something chick, April, who realizes she has cancer.  This annoys April because her life just recently became awesome: new job, hot new boyfriend, and family getting along.  The possibility of dying kind of freaks her out as well.  So April wants to keep the cancer a secret for as long as possible, but pretty soon she'll have to tell everyone.  I think I'm the most excited for this show because Scott Michael Foster is in it.  OK, so really I'm obsessed with any actor from the now defunct ABC Family show Greek.  So, I'm glad to see Foster on TV again.  Clearly, Chasing Life has become my new appointment television show. 

So guys, I'm going to go chase my own life and work on a few other things before I call it day!  It's been real. 

A Billion Years

It's been about a billion years since I've written on this blog.  A lot has happened, and nothing has happened.  I do not have a career in media or entertainment in any way, shape or form.  However, I have had a few close calls; which I royally fucked up.  A few flirts with realizing my dream, but alas, nothing has happened.  Well clearly, I've become so pretentious that I now write "alas" comfortably.  However, I've had a few jobs, but nothing that I love.

Don't get me wrong,  I know that I am blessed to have a job at all.  There are so many people that don't have a source of income.  But at the end of the day, I didn't move from my college town; leaving great friends, an amazing job, and a wonderful apartment, to be a secretary.  Nope. For sure, I moved to New York City to make something of myself and to be "someone".  And (I know I'm not supposed to start a sentence with and.  But this isn't AP English, people. Get. Over. It.) that's going to happen.

So now that that's out of my system, I'm sitting here in Birch Coffee pondering my next move.  Currently, I work in education (more on that later) with some stints in finance (sooooo much more on that later) and real estate.  For awhile, I thought,  "Well, I like education.  Maybe I'll just settle on this and just deal with it. Work my way up, become a Dean or something (because clearly that's so just, 'oh, so easy', getting a PhD and all), and I'll be happy.  I'll have a decent life, steady work, perhaps have a family.  Then, if my kids want to go into entertainment we'll know what to do.  They'll be successful and it will all be OK."

But then, I discovered a college acquaintance of mine booked a lead in a Broadway show.  I was fanatically jealous. It was tough.  Although I didn't know this person too well, from what I did know, they are a good person.  Most of all, they're talented.  Why is that tough?  Well, when someone gets rewarded with something great, it's so much easier for me to call them a talentless creep behind their backs.  But this person deserves their success.  What can I say about myself?  Well, I've been directionless and lazy for a few (ummm 10?) years.  But now that's stopping.

I'm going to do this.  I'm going to act, sing, and write. It's going to be amazing.

But I'm over thirty.  I've never had a paid/ professional acting, singing or writing gig.  I still need to support myself with other work.  Have I mentioned I also have a chronic illness?  I also want my mom to stop helping me out with money (I know my life is so hard right?) and remember I'm lazy.  I'm so lazy it literally hurts.

So I'm going to use this blog as my gauge.  We're (haha as if anyone else reads this!!!) going to see where this year takes me.  I can only work and strive towards the best.

In my downtime though, there will be Soap Operas.

Oh how the year goes by...

So it's pretty much been a year since I originally started this blog. So many things happened.I finally got a job as an administrative assistant. It pays well and the benefits are great and everything. The only thing is, I hate it. The people are mean, no one talks to me all day and when they do they treat me like I'm their slave or just an idiot. It's completely sedentary and ive gained tons of weight. I just HATE it. But it pays well and I need a job to pay all of my bills. So I guess I'm gonna have to keep it unless they fire me. I am thankful for a job though, I just wish was a perfect one.

Also since last year, soap operas have been on a major decline as of late. I need to find a new title.

I've been trying to get my acting career going but it's been tiring and exhausting. It's too much with my damn commute and my full time job. Am I ever going to get break w/ that? EVER?


Okay well today was a craptastic day at work because I made an error w/ the office bitch and I want to forget thatthis day ever happened.

-
J

Finally a paycheck!

So once again it's been over a month since I've written in this thing.  I finally received a long term temporary position as a temp at a financial firm.  The people are waaaay nice, it pays super well, and they pay for my lunch.  However, it's boring as hell.  But I guess I'm going  to have to get over it, if they decide to keep me perm.  But I'm not sure if they're even going to do that.  I know I should be happy that I have a job, but I really know I won't be able to make any friends here.  The only down to earth people are the
40+ ers and all though I don't age discriminate; the ones with kids aren't usually the happy hour types.  Oh well...

I've also made a decision that I'm going to pursue acting as much as I possibly can while employed.  I'm not sure what my tactics are going to be, but I feel I do have some direction, and at least that's a plus

What I'm really missing right now, is my daytime television.  Would I give up a paycheck for daytime television.  Ummmm...no.  Not all.  But I do kind of miss it.  It is so outlandish.  I can't believe Oprah has a sister that she never knew about!  I'm pissed that I missed that.  Also, I need to know if they ever solved that paternity issue on One Life to Live. I guess I'll have to YouTube that.  However, I've gotten really into the Real Housewives franchise more than ever though.  Most especially Beverly Hills and Atlanta.  For the exception of New Jersey, I find these two to be the most entertaining.  I think one of my favorite Housewives is Kandi Burruss (spelling?)  she just seems so down to earth and cool.  And she always thinks of an appropriate low key comeback when someone is annoying her.  Damn, I don't remember the insult but I remember when she told NeNe Leakes, "good thing you don't get paid for thinking" which was hysterical. Gotta love Kandi.  And as much as I hate to say it Kim Zolciak (spelling?) is the show.  She is such a marvelous, sparkly, Dolce and Gabbana-wearing hot mess. But I love it.  I'm not sure if the show would be as appealing without her! And , I am totally on team Camille Grammer.  She gets a lot of crap for having all of those nannies, but I'm quite sure every other housewife in BH, UES, Palm Beach, etc. raise their kids like that.  I think they just needed to pick on someone on the show and she was that person.  What I would really love is if they got Wendy Williams to do the reunions.  Not that I don't love Andy Cohen, because I really really do. Although, I feel he lacks the pizzaz he has on Watch What's Happening Live.  He just doesn't push the Housewives for the answers.  Sometimes he looks frightened, I don't blame him I would be too.  I just think Wendy would be better for the job.  She wouldn't take the crap.

Anyway, that's my schpiel for the night.  I wasn't feeling too well so I stayed in.  I'm trying to think about a good story I can pitch to a college magazine.  If anyone knows of any good ideas let me know.  See ya!

Update!

Well no one reads this blog but I will update it, since I haven't written in over a month.

Sooooo I did do the play (in the undisclosed city that isn't New York) and I am really happy I did.  It was not beneath me at all and was a great learning experience.  I had a very dramatic and serious role, which I never had the opportunity do before, and I was really able to stretch myself as an actor.  Although it was unpaid and with a tiny tiny theater company it was the most professional production I have ever been associated with. Plus, I really needed the break.  2010 was probably the worst year of my life, and I really needed to decompress, and just get a way from it all.  But eventually, all good things come to an end.

During the Holidays I was able to get some temp work and was able to work at a few companies.  Two financial and one fashion company.  The fashion company was amazingly cool and the people were nice.  It was a gig that lasted only a day but a super cool experience. The other two were mediocre but I was able to get some money and pay my bills so I'm not complaining.

Since January I have been working hard core to find a permanent job.  I went on three interviews this past Monday.  One interview was to be a receptionist at a staffing agency, the second to be a receptionist at a financial firm, and the third to be a administrative assistant at a media company.  My feedback from the first interview was that I was too professional and too reserved.  What the shit is that?  First of all, lets talk about the woman who interviewed with me.  She left the interview multiple times to speak with someone on the phone. When she apologized I laughed it off, and went back to what we were discussing.  I professionally joked around with her and smiled and laughed.  However, she told my staffing counselor that I didn't have a sense of humor. I'm not sure if she was initimidated by my devastating beauty or my quick wit (ok, ok, I don't believe those were the reasons) but, "'sumpin's up w/ dat". Regardless, I'm sure it wasn't the right fit for me anyway.

The second interview, was seriously the weirdest interview I have ever been on.  I interviewed with two people. One was slightly unprofessional but she was ok.  The other, had the biggest stick up her ass.  Plus she cried before the interview!  Why do I know that? Because her eyes were still red and tearing.  Crazy.  Then as I told her I pursued acting after college, her first question after that was "Why didn't you get a real job after college?"  I told her, "Because I pursued acting."  She responded, "OHHHHH"! RIGHT!!" Then she says, "Well we really need people to be here on time, because I have no tolerance for lateness."  I swear to God, the way she said "tolerance" sent a shiver up my spine.  For a second I thought she was going to slap me.  I thought to myself, this place is CRAYZEE and I haven't heard from them since.

The third interview?  Well the guy had gray crooked teeth and the place smelled so I don't really care about that one.

So that's the update. In a few minutes, I may write another post to keep this thing current.