Sunday, June 22, 2014


So today was improv.  I love improv.  Well I love it when the stars align, God likes me, and I am actually listening, being present, and coming up with decent ideas.  But then there are days when I'm just kind of an asshole in class.  Not listening, going out of my way to be funny (rather than letting it happen organically), and just being a general spaz.  Today was a mix of a good improv class and a bad improv class for me.  For some reason I'm acting like such a pussy in class, I don't go up first, and I don't make bold moves or choices.  Things have been not so great since I told some of my class members that I have been taking improv for awhile at a different theatre.  Since I'm now in somewhat of a beginning class right now (at a different theatre), I now feel an intense pressure to be the best or at least, good.  And I'm totally failing at it.  Whenever I'm feeling pressure my mind just goes blank.  Why can't I be a confident, relaxed, normal person like everyone else?  What the F (yes, I know I wrote pussy earlier) is wrong with me?  Hopefully I can get better as time goes on but it's going to take A LOT of practice.  Really it's my focus that's off.   Who knows, I didn't have coffee today, so maybe that's the reason why I'm a little off.  Anyway this is going to be "week - o -improv" with a lot of classes and shows, so maybe I'll be revitalized after that...or just exhausted!  Ironically, Aaliyah's, "Try Again"  is playing at The Coffee Bean right now, so maybe that's a sign!  Ok, now I'm just being lame.

Anyway, it seems the focus on my career is now underway.  I went to improv class, which is a woot woot, and I have a few more this week.  If I can focus, maybe thing will work out.

Oh, but how can I focus! There are some really great TV shows on right now!  Especially for the summer.  Right now, my new favorite is Chasing Life on ABC Family.  Why is it called ABC Family when it's really television for teenagers?  Well, I don't have an answer for that.  But most of their shows are awesome.  Anyway, this show, Chasing Life, is about this twenty something chick, April, who realizes she has cancer.  This annoys April because her life just recently became awesome: new job, hot new boyfriend, and family getting along.  The possibility of dying kind of freaks her out as well.  So April wants to keep the cancer a secret for as long as possible, but pretty soon she'll have to tell everyone.  I think I'm the most excited for this show because Scott Michael Foster is in it.  OK, so really I'm obsessed with any actor from the now defunct ABC Family show Greek.  So, I'm glad to see Foster on TV again.  Clearly, Chasing Life has become my new appointment television show. 

So guys, I'm going to go chase my own life and work on a few other things before I call it day!  It's been real. 

Saturday, June 21, 2014

A Billion Years

It's been about a billion years since I've written on this blog.  A lot has happened, and nothing has happened.  I do not have a career in media or entertainment in any way, shape or form.  However, I have had a few close calls; which I royally fucked up.  A few flirts with realizing my dream, but alas, nothing has happened.  Well clearly, I've become so pretentious that I now write "alas" comfortably.  However, I've had a few jobs, but nothing that I love.

Don't get me wrong,  I know that I am blessed to have a job at all.  There are so many people that don't have a source of income.  But at the end of the day, I didn't move from my college town; leaving great friends, an amazing job, and a wonderful apartment, to be a secretary.  Nope. For sure, I moved to New York City to make something of myself and to be "someone".  And (I know I'm not supposed to start a sentence with and.  But this isn't AP English, people. Get. Over. It.) that's going to happen.

So now that that's out of my system, I'm sitting here in Birch Coffee pondering my next move.  Currently, I work in education (more on that later) with some stints in finance (sooooo much more on that later) and real estate.  For awhile, I thought,  "Well, I like education.  Maybe I'll just settle on this and just deal with it. Work my way up, become a Dean or something (because clearly that's so just, 'oh, so easy', getting a PhD and all), and I'll be happy.  I'll have a decent life, steady work, perhaps have a family.  Then, if my kids want to go into entertainment we'll know what to do.  They'll be successful and it will all be OK."

But then, I discovered a college acquaintance of mine booked a lead in a Broadway show.  I was fanatically jealous. It was tough.  Although I didn't know this person too well, from what I did know, they are a good person.  Most of all, they're talented.  Why is that tough?  Well, when someone gets rewarded with something great, it's so much easier for me to call them a talentless creep behind their backs.  But this person deserves their success.  What can I say about myself?  Well, I've been directionless and lazy for a few (ummm 10?) years.  But now that's stopping.

I'm going to do this.  I'm going to act, sing, and write. It's going to be amazing.

But I'm over thirty.  I've never had a paid/ professional acting, singing or writing gig.  I still need to support myself with other work.  Have I mentioned I also have a chronic illness?  I also want my mom to stop helping me out with money (I know my life is so hard right?) and remember I'm lazy.  I'm so lazy it literally hurts.

So I'm going to use this blog as my gauge.  We're (haha as if anyone else reads this!!!) going to see where this year takes me.  I can only work and strive towards the best.

In my downtime though, there will be Soap Operas.