Sunday, August 17, 2014

So that's what you call 'em

When I was looking through some old Vogues the other day I realized I hadn't shared a very weird & awakard incident that occured a few months ago between me and some socialite.  A few months ago, I needed to get a replacement Bodum French Press from Sur la Table (I promise I am not getting any reimbursement of any kind from these two companies.  However, if they are willing to give me a reimbursement at some point I  will gladly take it) for my finiciky lesbian "holier than thou" then-roommate.  I broke her french press, and since I didn't want to piss off the bitch, I offered to replace it. So I went trailing off to the SoHo Sur La Table.  Ohhhhhhhhh SoHo.  It used to be cool, diverse and artsy.  But it's really just a bunch of young Upper East Side refugees pretending to be cool, diverse and artsy when they really just have sticks up their asses.  Back to the story;  I go into Sur La Table, go to the resgister and ask the sales person (a Cooler Than I'll Ever Be Asian Chick) to check and see if they have this specific size of french press.  As the CTIEBAC goes to the back, I wait at the register.  Another salesguy ( a somewhat overweight, but seemingly nice computer programmer type) starts ringing people up; and in enters anonymous socialite number 5467B (As if I'll ever give you the person's name.  But one hint, let's say she's all about safety). Now I've seen this socialite in Vogue and the New York Times a lot, and everyone talks about how her pedigree really isn't up to par.  Nevertheless, I figured because all of the shit she gets she would be a somewhat down to Earth person.  I never go up to celebrities (I'm not sure she's quite up to celebrity status, but still a noteworthy person) so I figured it might be ok to approach her.  Plus, I don't mean to toot my own horn here; but I'm a decent looking person, dress fairly well and could create full sentences. So, I figured it would be ok to say something to her.  So I was pretty much dead wrong on all of my accounts here.  I turn to her and say, "Hey aren't you that socialite?"  She bristles, does not look in my direction and doesn't respond.  I say "excuse me, aren't you that socialite?"  OF COURSE, at this point the CTIEBAC has returned to witness this mess of a situation I put myself in.  #5467B turns at me looks like she's about to cry, and yells "I AM A JEWELRY DESIGNER!!!"  I sheespishly say, "ohhh ok.  I just know that I see you in Vogue all of the time" to which #5467B giggles takes her things, looks me up & down in anger (because I dared to speak to her) and leaves.  I look at CTIEBAC and say "I didn't realize calling someone a socialite was an insult"  to which CTIEBAC looks at me and giving about an 1/8 of shit about the incident; informs me that the french press was not in stock.

I suppose jewelry designing has now replaced handbag designing as the go-to socialite make believe career.  Only in New York would someone have a problem with being called beautiful & rich. In some way I can respect #5467B for that.  But the bitch is confused, she's a socialite.

Saturday, August 16, 2014

The End is Near

This was probably a perfect summer.  We had only four days break over 90 degrees with little to no humidity.  It rained a normal amount and the weather was pretty much always beautiful.  It was wonderul.  Perhaps this was New York's reward for dealing with that awful Polar vortex.  I personally have a theory that there wasn't really ever a "Polar Vortex".  I think meteorologists didn't know what what the hell was going on, made up some crazy ass name for the freezing cold weather we were having, and then were generally shocked when people bought it. 

Anyway, I finished my second round of treatments for my undisclosed chronic illness.  I had to tell my job about it because I was just missing too much damn work.   They were understanding and seemed considerate so it really wasn't the worst thing in the world.

The friggin scariest thing happened to me this week, though. This old homeless geezer ran after me with a cane!  Ok, so yes, this may sound hysterical (and I'm sure I'll laugh about it at some point) but it was terrifying.  On my way out of my office building, he asked me to get him some food at the nearby diner.  I was on my way, felt white person guilt (even thought I'm black) and returned with a bagel. He was talking to some other girl, and I was like, "ummm here's your muffin." His response?   " I should punch you in your face!" He throws the muffin back at me, and starts yelling.  Both the girl and I walk away.  He then starts running after me cursing at me and yelling about how he should hit me, wiith his cane in the air.  Ok, let's first discuss that this asshole is running... WITHOUT USING HIS CANE.  Bastard. I scream back at him and then he walks away.  I was literally shaking when I walked back to my office.  I just feel so stupid. I never give things or interact with these types ever.  This was my first time doing anything like this.  Why on earth did I think it was ok do it now?  I just dont know.  It's so weird how these things can affect you though.  I watch when people on TV get attacked and it frightens me; but theres always a voice in the back of my head thinking "that will never happen to you." I suppoose it can happen to anyone.  But hey!  That's New York!

Right now I'm thinking "end on a positve note, end a positve note". Right now my new summer goals are to finish reading all of Shakespeare's comedies and watch every Academy Award best picture winner. I'm not sure if I'll be able to do it.  But I can try!

Saturday, August 2, 2014


So I've been really out of commission lately.  I've just been busy doing nothing.  My chronic illness flared up and I had to cancel both my improv and film class this summer.  Disappointing, but I suppose worse things can happen.  I am really thrilled to be finally living in NYC and being on my own terms rather than living in the suburbs and living with my parents.  Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and I am very well over the age of 18, but I just had to constantly tell them where I was  going and when I'll be back; and that's just annoying as an adult.  So I'm just glad to be in my studio.  
Anyway I really need this summer to be productive.  I've had to drop everything and I'm realizing now that the summer will literally be over in just a few short weeks.  Back to the daily grind, ya know?  So right now I'm going to try and focus on completing other goals and enjoying my summer. I'd really like to take a trip, even if its a little one before the summer is over.  I should also probably try and finish my VO demo.  I've been working on it an a half assed fashion for years now and I really should complete it.  Perhaps I should also read a book or two?  All in all, maybe for once I should just stop over analyzing and relax!